[rant] I still don’t know why I’m here. It’s like my soul is experiencing sleep paralysis and instead of not being able to move my limbs, I can’t move my physical body to a different country. Before we came here, although I already had the urge to not leave, I didn’t think it would grow to be this strong. I told my mother. In turn, she told be to just book an earlier flight. Should I? Should I actually buy a plane ticket after getting my first salary?
Besides having feelings of not wanting to be here, I’m also not liking the idea of being around my parents. Back in university (i.e. ~3 months ago), I guess I enjoyed being away from them too much? Somehow, being around them hinders me from being who I want to be, from doing whatever I want to do. It’s like my brain goes into “sheep mode”, as in, I’m going to have to live up to their standards and do what they want me to do even if I don’t want to. [bleats]
Although they claim to be supportive of what I want to do, why does it feel like they’re only supportive of what they want me to do (e.g. get a job ASAP instead of letting me take a break)? h a l p