Adulthood…?

(Yes, I will post the “updates” entry. Soon.)

We all had a dream job when we were kids, right? We wanted to become doctors, astronauts, chefs, and lawyers. We wanted to become adults for different reasons.

At some point during elementary, I wanted to become a fashion designer. (I don’t know how or why I wanted to become one? Maybe because I liked dressing up Barbie. I don’t know. Then I wanted to become a dentist, which was ironic because I always found trips to the dentist to be awful (to this day). Around high school, I wanted to be a graphic designer. It was Tumblr’s “peak” then. Most of my friends had a blog there and other people would post doodles and whatnot. I remember envying those who got thousands and thousands of notes for something that looks simple and raw. So I made one of my own, but I didn’t post in on my blog. A friend saw me doodling once in class, though, and she told me that I probably should get a degree in graphic designing or something. And so I did. Continue reading “Adulthood…?”

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I am demotivated.

Before I publish updates I mentioned in the previous entry, let me tell you about how I have lost the energy to do (most) academic-related tasks. Before, I was able to recuperate, to regain my lost energy, after being low-key for about a week or two. For about a month now, I haven’t been doing anything “heavy”. I was supposed to feel motivated. Now I feel like a worn out battery that needs replacing.

I think it began this semester. I can’t point out exactly when, but eventually, I wasn’t as eager to do group work, to write reports and do the laboratory exercises. I felt like my mind and body were “done” even before I actually became done being a student.

Is this what it feels like to be a senior? No one told me about the possibility of being burnt out (almost to the point of no return) after years and years of being subjected to anxiety-inducing, sleep-depriving tasks that are supposed to help us get a good job after getting out of the university.

Growing up, growing tired.

It’s almost 12:30 in the morning and I’m taking a short break from writing the review of related literature for my proposal, which was due two weeks ago (I’m surprised my adviser hasn’t emailed me about how overdue this chapter is. Haha). I’m not as motivated as I want to be so I’ve been doing what pushed me, what helped me survive freshman year — I listen to Christmas songs. Continue reading “Growing up, growing tired.”

Dear Adults*

How do you find the motivation to finish things? People on the internet (and plenty of students) say that the deadline is the greatest motivation of all but it seems like I’ve grown apathetic towards it. Although, since you’re probably getting paid by whoever it is you’re working for, it’s relatively easier to get things done. Maybe.

I’m a senior college student and although science says that a person’s brain should have already developed its capability to be logical, rational, and good at decision-making by the time they have reached the ripe old age of eighteen, my brain hasn’t quite… fully-developed this capability. I mean, I can make rational decisions but I’m still heavily impulsive. Continue reading “Dear Adults*”