(Yes, I will post the “updates” entry. Soon.)

We all had a dream job when we were kids, right? We wanted to become doctors, astronauts, chefs, and lawyers. We wanted to become adults for different reasons.

At some point during elementary, I wanted to become a fashion designer. (I don’t know how or why I wanted to become one? Maybe because I liked dressing up Barbie. I don’t know. Then I wanted to become a dentist, which was ironic because I always found trips to the dentist to be awful (to this day). Around high school, I wanted to be a graphic designer. It was Tumblr’s “peak” then. Most of my friends had a blog there and other people would post doodles and whatnot. I remember envying those who got thousands and thousands of notes for something that looks simple and raw. So I made one of my own, but I didn’t post in on my blog. A friend saw me doodling once in class, though, and she told me that I probably should get a degree in graphic designing or something. And so I did. Continue reading “Adulthood…?”


I am demotivated.

Before I publish updates I mentioned in the previous entry, let me tell you about how I have lost the energy to do (most) academic-related tasks. Before, I was able to recuperate, to regain my lost energy, after being low-key for about a week or two. For about a month now, I haven’t been doing anything “heavy”. I was supposed to feel motivated. Now I feel like a worn out battery that needs replacing.

I think it began this semester. I can’t point out exactly when, but eventually, I wasn’t as eager to do group work, to write reports and do the laboratory exercises. I felt like my mind and body were “done” even before I actually became done being a student.

Is this what it feels like to be a senior? No one told me about the possibility of being burnt out (almost to the point of no return) after years and years of being subjected to anxiety-inducing, sleep-depriving tasks that are supposed to help us get a good job after getting out of the university.

note to self 07

Dear you,


You know what you should do.
You know your strengths, you know your flaws.

You know, all too well, that you have a tendency to cling on too much, to give too much to the people you value.

You have to take a step back every once in a while.

They are not collector’s edition artifacts that you can keep to yourself.
They are human.

I know you hang out with these people because they give you joy you can’t find within yourself.

Maybe that’s where you should begin.
Learn how to be happy with yourself, for starters.

Then you’d learn how to live without depending, without needing to be around other people to make yourself happy. You could leave the place without feeling as if you left a part of yourself you can’t recover.