Adulthood…?

(Yes, I will post the “updates” entry. Soon.)

We all had a dream job when we were kids, right? We wanted to become doctors, astronauts, chefs, and lawyers. We wanted to become adults for different reasons.

At some point during elementary, I wanted to become a fashion designer. (I don’t know how or why I wanted to become one? Maybe because I liked dressing up Barbie. I don’t know. Then I wanted to become a dentist, which was ironic because I always found trips to the dentist to be awful (to this day). Around high school, I wanted to be a graphic designer. It was Tumblr’s “peak” then. Most of my friends had a blog there and other people would post doodles and whatnot. I remember envying those who got thousands and thousands of notes for something that looks simple and raw. So I made one of my own, but I didn’t post in on my blog. A friend saw me doodling once in class, though, and she told me that I probably should get a degree in graphic designing or something. And so I did. Continue reading “Adulthood…?”

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Dear Adults*

How do you find the motivation to finish things? People on the internet (and plenty of students) say that the deadline is the greatest motivation of all but it seems like I’ve grown apathetic towards it. Although, since you’re probably getting paid by whoever it is you’re working for, it’s relatively easier to get things done. Maybe.

I’m a senior college student and although science says that a person’s brain should have already developed its capability to be logical, rational, and good at decision-making by the time they have reached the ripe old age of eighteen, my brain hasn’t quite… fully-developed this capability. I mean, I can make rational decisions but I’m still heavily impulsive. Continue reading “Dear Adults*”

[pterodactyl screech]

If you’ve been following my blog, you might remember that the post before this talked about how I felt like I might have missed doing a thing or two because I’m not as busy this month.

Well, you know what? Things have gotten worse.

No more do I have feelings of forgotten or undone tasks. This time, I often find myself thinking, “Is that all there is? Isn’t there anymore??? after, maybe, binge-watching cooking videos on YouTube or playing about 10 minutes on Warframe — things I would normally enjoy on a regular weekday or weekend. Suddenly, I was more conscious of the things I do to kill time. They all seem so boring now. I can do other things (e.g. finish my internship task or continue thinking of a research topic), though, but they don’t seem appealing at the moment. Since “bored” didn’t seem like an appropriate term for what I was feeling, I searched for other terms related to boredom and I think the most suitable word for my situation is…

ennui.

According to the number one search engine on Earth, ScreenHunter_223 Jun. 30 11.34

Plus, it’s a French word! (Interestinggg.)

Now I’m at the library and I’m not exactly sure of what  I’m going to do here but… I guess it’s better than questioning my purpose at home?

A taste of freedom from the academe?

Hey, interwebs. Been a while.

I’ve just finished the first week of my internship and unlike my other batchmates who are required to report every day, we only get to go to the office at most twice a week. So we create our outputs at home and we send them via email. Yay. It’s been okay, so far.

But here’s the thing.
You know how you’re often very busy during the semester and when suddenly the “energy” goes down a bit, you start to think something’s wrong, like you might be forgetting to do something? That’s what I’m feeling right now. Back then, I’d think of all the possible things I could be missing but right now, I’m sort of… okay with it. And it got me thinking: is this what it feels like to be free from the shackles of grades and professors, from the need to please your parents and your ego by getting high marks?

It just feels so weird to not be thinking about submissions the following week. I’m sure I have to enjoy this now, because I have to work on my thesis proposal pretty soon.

Eeeek.